


The Kill Homer Club

by sweetheartlamb (orphan_account)



Series: Clubverse [1]
Category: The Simpsons
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magic, Attempt at Humor, Attempted Murder, Dark Comedy, Evil Plans, Gen, Major Original Character(s), Original Character Death(s), Original Character(s), Revenge, patchwork fic, plans that barely work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:20:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 8,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25037623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/sweetheartlamb
Summary: After being run over by Homer('s junky old Sedan), Remus Sapling decides to start a club to end his life, and secretly find out if he really ran her over. While roaming around, she finds (and recuits) the guardian angel Maude and the vengeful ghost Frank.
Relationships: Homer Simpson/Marge Simpson, Maude Flanders/Ned Flanders
Series: Clubverse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1824484
Kudos: 4





	1. Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus meets her fate, and gets an idea.

It's nighttime in Springfield. Few people are awake at this time, and most of the people who are desperately want to be sleeping instead. Remus Sapling was running back to the Rusty Mill with a large bag of supplies. She could hear the faint, _faint_ sound of "Get Dancin'" by Disco Tex and the Sex-o-lettes. She ignored the sound since she, in her mind, had business to do.

Her sneakers slapped the floor as she ran along the grass and dirt. As she approached the road, she noticed dim lights. Assuming she could make it, she ran faster. However, she failed to notice the medium-sized rock near the road, and tripped on it. And without a moment to react, was ran over by Homer's junky Sedan.

Her body, and ghost, laid dead for a few minutes. Eventually, her ghost left her body dazed. Literally, since she was permanently bloodshot and walleyed. There were two massive gaping holes in her body, showing her squished organs. Her hair was ruffled and her clothes were slightly ripped.

Light-headedly, she said one thing... "Did anyone see the license plate of that car...?" Eventually, she mostly got her footing and saw the Sedan drive off. Something clicked in her head, she was killed by Homer Simpson! ...Maybe.

She figured she should do something about this man. ...Like kill him! Also, find out if he _actually_ killed her. She realized she couldn't do it on her own. Remus needed to start a club. ...A club meant to kill Homer Jay Simpson.

First of all, she needed to get back to Springfield. Nobody was here, she finally realized. At least, with her new body, she could float back to town without losing stamina. But boy, did she need to get back there fast. Daytime was approaching soon, and all the other ghosts would leave and hide. How else would she find anyone who could see her?


	2. Collection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus seeks out people to join her new club.

Meanwhile, Maude is following her client, Ned Flanders. As his guardian angel, she had to protect him from danger. It was a tiring job, but she loved him too much to care. Ned was walking to his job at the Leftorium. However, something terrible loomed in the distance.

An open manhole was just up ahead, and Ned was about to fall into it. Just as he started to step into the hole, Maude picked him up and flew him to a few steps over. As she set him down, he kissed her. "Thank you, sweetheart." he whispered.

Remus noticed them in the distance. She believed, even if she couldn't find a ghost to recruit, the use of an angel would be appreciated. She decided to go up there and ask. She floated up to Maude and said "...Hello, hello." Up close, Remus found Maude much more flattering.

"...Hm?" she said, noticing the ghost besides her.

"I want you to join my club."

"I'm sure that sounds lovely, but I have to tend to Neddy..."

"...You'd be able to kill Homer Simpson."

Maude's attention perked up. "Oh?"

Remus pulled out a notebook. It's full of notes and papers. "Yep. If you want to join, just go to the Rusty Mill tonight." she told her, before promptly leaving. Maude realized she was interested in the club, if only because of the chance to avenge herself. She shook off the thought for now and followed Ned once again.

'Where to next...?' Remus thought to herself. She thought for a little bit of who else would join her club before remembering the tale of Frank Grimes. An unlucky man driven to suicide. ...By Homer Simpson, of course. Remus soon started flying to the nuclear plant, believing he would most likely be there.


	3. Collection Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus finds another spirit to recuit.

While Remus was moving towards the power plant, Frank Grimes was taking his own revenge. Inside Sector 7-G, he was hard at work sabotaging Homer's workplace. Snipping and pulling wires, pushing and pulling levers, and shutting down software in the name of vengeance. He could work even faster then when he was alive due to the ghostly lower half of his body. Surely, nothing could ruin this, especially not a ghost coming to make him join a club!

Which, of course, is _exactly_ what happened. As Remus went through the wall and began to speak, he nearly stopped in his tracks. Her voice was one of **many** he didn't want to hear again. Of course, if she was the one that bore his child, maybe it wouldn't be so grating... But he highly doubted she was the one.

Anyways, back to the story. "Would you like to join my club?" she asked, as Frank went back to work.

"I have no interest in you or your club," he said. "How do you even know me?"

"So, I was thinking of people to invite, and I remembered that you're dead and hate Homer Simpson, so you qualify for the club."

"... _Homer Simpson?_ " Frank was confused. What did this club have to do with _him_?

"Yeah. We'll plot our revenge together. **We'll murder him together!** "

"...Hmph. I suppose I'm interested, at least. Where do I go, exactly?"

The Rusty Mill, tonight. Think 6-7 P.M." she said, before leaving.

Frank was a bit conflicted. A free chance to end his mortal enemy...hosted by another person he has a vendetta against. Then again, it would be rude to not check out what that person was talking about... He eventually decided to go to the Mill, after he finished up, of coruse.


	4. Brought Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maude and Frank officially join the...hey, what is the name of this club?

The date is 6:30. Frank has finished his current work a long time ago, and Maude has convinced Ned to safely stay home. They barely knew each other before, and now they've been brought together by their hatred of Homer Simpson. ...And that weird lady's club. That's pretty important, too.

"...This place looks like a dump." Frank noted.

"At least it smells nice." Maude added.

"I suppose. Probably because of the flowers..."

They stood before the Rusty Mill, Remus' store for flowers and **drugs**. The store was closed and Remus had yet to show up. Frank was about to leave Maude behind, until Remus showed up. She walked into the store and opened the doors. "Come on in, my lad and lass!" she greeted. Maude walked through the doors while Frank flew through the wall.

Remus leaded them to the Mill's basement. Setting up three chairs and a table, she invited them to sit down. Maude sat down first, while Frank hesitantly sat down second. Remus set her notebook down on the table and looked at her newfound "friends". "Welcome to...our new club!" she yelled.

"Wait. What is the name of this club? _Does_ this club have one?" Frank asked.

"...I...don't know. Something short and to the point. ...Like the Kill Homer Club!"

"Isn't that a _too_ upfront?" Maude asked.

"Nah, I don't think so," she replied. "Anyways, now that this club has a name, I get to initiate you guys!" Frank and Maude lurched back in response. They were expecting for Remus to do that at _some_ point, but they weren't expecting it to happen so early. "...How, exactly?" Frank asked.

"...The notebook, my dude." She picks the book up and flips to one page. There were the names of the three members, along with titles to go with them. The duo were understandably freaked out. "All you have to do is cross out the original title and replace it with your own." she continued, apparently not scared.

Maude's title was "The Shame of Joy, and the Joy of Shame", Frank's was "The Man Born to Die", and Remus' was "Unseen by Human Eyes". Remus gave the two a pen and told them to 'listen to your heart'. Maude went first, and replaced the line with "The Bright Side of Death". Frank went second, and wrote the line "A Man of Two Realities". Remus, the last one, used "Post-mortem Peace and Solidarity".

"Perfect! Now that you two are officially members, we'll have a meeting on Saturday! See you too soon! And don't forget to bring snacks!" Remus said the both of them. Pushing them out of the store, she said goodbye. Frank stayed behind while Maude flew back to the Flanders' house. He was hesitant to believe that Remus' recruitment was **_that_** easy. Surely, there's more...


	5. Sector 7-G

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank's plan leads the Club to Springfield's Nuclear Power Plant.

Frank arrived early to the Rusty Mill today. Mainly because his plan required it. All he brought with him was a bottle of water and an empty glass. The only other person there was Remus, polishing a dirty window. "...Where's Maude?" he asked her.

"...Not here, that's for sure. Can you call her for me?"

"Fine." Frank summoned a ghost phone and began to call Maude. Remus secretly wished she knew how to make things appear at will as well. Maybe she could get Frank to teach her... Not that it matters, now that Maude's (snacks are) here.

Remus unlocked the door and led everyone to the basement, per usual. Once they sat down, Maude put her cookies on the table and poured herself a glass of wine. Frank put his bottled water in his glass. Remus didn't have any glasses, so she had to drink her apple juice from the box. Their first meeting was about to start.

Remus tapped on her box of juice. "Lad! Lass! Stop your fancy, _fancy_ drinking for just a moment, we have a meeting!" This got the duo's attention. "...Who has an idea of how to kill Homer?" Frank found his time to shine.

"Sabotage the Power Plant!" he said. Maude and Remus looked at him. "Sounds like mental death, but sure." the ghost said. That wasn't exactly what meant, but he had their attention. Maude realized why Frank brought her here today.

She looked at the time, and it was 5:30. Homer would be leaving soon. "...What do _I_ have to do with this?" she asked. "Since I'll be following Homer, all you have to do is keep Remus from doing anything idiotic, noticeable, or noticeably idiotic." Frank said in return. Remus frowned from being low-key insulted, but his instructions were set in fact.

"And remember," Maude said to Frank before they left. "Keep non-Homer casualties to a minimum." 'Sounds like a warning better suited towards Remus...' he thought. As they went towards the plant, Frank flew over to Homer as Maude and Remus stuck together. And Homer was none the wiser.

As Homer sat down in Sector 7-G, Frank settled down nearby. The duo decided to stay nearby. When Homer wasn't looking, Frank would mess a little with the safety console. The console was already a bit out of order due to his meddling on Friday, but it was fixed for a bit and deemed 'still good enough' for Homer to go back to work. Anyways, about right now, Frank worked subtly.

Meanwhile, Remus began to wander to the Break Room. Maude noticed and grabbed her jacket, asking her what she was about to do. "I have an idea! Poison the donuts!" she yelped. Maude, while she agreed, told her to wait for Homer to walk into the break room first to do so. 'Oh, if only I knew how to will a poisonous donut into existence...' Remus thought.


	6. Sector 7-G Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus makes a poison donut and it's not effective at all.

Homer looked at the time. It was 7:00. 'Well, any time's as good as any to get a snack,' he thought. As he left the room, Frank followed him. Meanwhile, Remus dragged Maude into the Break Room. Remus was going to follow through with her plan, regardless of what Frank does.

They hid in a secluded corner of the room. "Teach me how to make things appear." she asked her. Maude replied, "Think of what you want to make. Put all your willpower into it. Like this." She put her hands together, thought hard, and formed a faintly glowing, gold harp. Remus was impressed.

Remus thought hard too, and summoned a slightly messy donut in a box. It had a note taped on it saying "meant for homer simpson" on it. She set it on the table just as Homer (and Frank) showed up. Frank noticed the ghonut (ghost donut) and glared at Remus in confusion and anger. As Frank formed a tube of poisoned frosting, Homer began to eat the ghonut.

"Hm...this donut tastes a little funny. This is certainly not an usual donut, but I can't tell what the other flavor is..." he said. As Homer tried to tell what he was eating, Frank put some poison frosting on the front row of donuts. "Perhaps I'll eat another, just to check..." Homer muttered, taking a donut from the front row. To his co-workers, this was just a normal day. But to the Club, it would be his death...maybe.

"Egh...This donut tastes weird too...but I'm hungry..." he whimpered. While Homer was having a dilemma, Frank went up to Remus. "How did you make that _**donut**? How do you know?_" he asked. "Maude told me. I brought her here." she replied. "It didn't work like I wanted, but thankfully you came here and saved your plan!" The trio stared back at Homer, chowing down on the rest of the box.

'Maybe I should stop now...My mind's feeling a bit fuzzy...' he thought, wandering back to his office. Frank floated back to Homer, while Maude and Remus sneaked after them. Maude asked Remus what she was in her donut, and Remus merely said that her meaning of poison is a bit broad. Frank, although he didn't like what Remus had done, did like that _whatever_ she set in the donut put Homer in a dazed state. Eventually, Homer went home and the Club went back to the Mill.

"Hey, Fr-...Grimey, what poison was in that ghost frosting, anyway?" Remus asked. "Nutmeg." he said, semi-jokingly. She accepted his answer, and put the plan's aftermath as ' **UNDEFINED** '. "We'll check up on him tomorrow. Maude, you'll be the planner. Be prepared and _bring snacks!_ " Remus said, leaving once again. Maude went home once again and Frank looked at the dark blue sky...once again.


	7. Check Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ned visits Homer, with the help of Maude.

Maude, like Frank before her, showed up early. Remus was cleaning the mostly shabby store, like she was bound there. Her plan required her persuasion, and luck. Hopefully, Homer was still doped up on Nutmeg and Marge would let them in. And, of course, having Frank and Remus agree with her.

Remus opened up the door when she noticed her. "Frank's going to be here soon. Go take your wine and drink it. The table's already set up." she told her. As Remus waited for Frank to arrive, Maude was in the basement, drinking and thinking. Later, Frank showed up and the duo went downstairs. Remus took out her notebook and wrote down a few things.

"Maude! What's your plan?" she asked. "Ahem, I was thinking of having Ned visit Homer. He's quite easy to convince." the angel replied. Frank thought of what she meant, and Remus nodded. "And we...?" she asked for both her and Frank.

"Backup. If convincing Ned fails, I'll call you two in." Maude made a peace sign. "This is your signal." Remus agreed, while Frank slightly nodded. Maude began to fly towards the Flanders' house, waving them goodbye. Remus and Frank went to hid in the Simpson's house.

Meanwhile, at the Flanders' house, Maude knocked on the door. Noone answered, and Maude gave him a mental call. ' _Ned, it's me. Open the door._ ' she said. Ned heard it, and opened the door for her. "Thank you, sweetheart." Maude said, kissing him on the cheek. She then pulled him to the couch. "Can you visit Homer today? He's a bit dazed by Nutmeg, and maybe you can help." she politely asked.

"Hm. Of course I will! I can't just let a neighbor suffer like that." he responded.

"Great! Get some water bottles, and I'll let the neighbors know you're on their way."

Maude went to the Simpson's house as Ned gathered a few water bottles. Marge walked up to the door as Maude arrived. Opening the door, Marge asked her why she was here. "My husband just wants to do a check up." Maude told her, as Ned walked into view. "Howdy, neighborinos! She's riddly-right!" he added. Marge, although a bit suspicious, decided to let them in.

Homer was on the couch, dehydrated and confused. "Hey there...erm...you..." he said to Ned. "...Is that wayter?" he asked, mispronouncing 'water' and now eyeing the bottles he was holding. "...I'm...My mouth is dry." He gestured Ned to come closer.

Ned opened a bottle and slipped it into Homer's mouth. "...Water..." he muttered, before slightly convulsing. ' _This isn't what I expected when you said 'dazed', Maude..._ ' Ned linked to her. ' _Me neither, honestly..._ ' she replied. Going up to Homer, she summoned a small ball of healing light and rubbed it against Homer's forehead. "...Eh...thanks, Marge..."

"I'm Maude." she corrected.

"...May..." he whispered. She realized Homer wouldn't get it right in this state, so she thought that was close enough. Besides, he was too confused to realize what she was doing, or that she was an angel. "Does that help with anything?" she asked. "Headache?" Homer merely responded.

Ned slipped a water bottle in Homer's mouth again. "Shh..." he said. Maude took the bottle as Ned went up to Marge. "How diddly-did this happen?" he asked. "I don't actually know. He was rambling about donuts, and I thought it was just a sugar rush." she started. "Then his euphoria stopped and the symptoms settled in. You two came in just in time."

"You're welcome! I'm always riddly-ready to help!" Ned said. As he looked back, she saw Maude finish helping Homer as Marge went to the kitchen to make some snacks. ' _Ned, it's time to do the deed._ ' Maude said to him. He looked at Marge, and Maude noted that she meant Homer's death. ' _Maude...isn't that a-_ ' ' _Do it, sweetheart._ ' she said, putting a pillow into his hands. ' _For me._ '

He slowly walked towards Homer. "...What are you...?" he asked, noticing him. "Sorry, neighborino." Ned answered, before shoving the pillow into his face. Unfortunately, it was only fithteen seconds before Marge came back. "...Ned?" She asked, as Ned quickly put the pillow out of Homer's face and into his lap.

"I...I was..."

"Did this have to do with Maude?" she asked.

"...No?" he said quietly.

"...Mhm." Marge set her snacks on the table. "Ned, you're free to stay as long you want...just as that _little angel_ of yours doesn't get in the way." Marge said, grimacing on the words 'little angel'. Maude looked outside, at Frank and Remus. She'll have to call them in soon. Plus, it looks like her rivalry with Marge has opened up again...


	8. Check Up Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marge and Maude (and her friends) have a talk.

' _Neddy, it's best to stay only a little longer..._ ' she thought to Ned, attempting to get him out of the house. ' _Just say a formal goodbye and **leave**._' Ned took one last snack, and stood up to say goodbye and leave. "...Sorry, neighborino, but I have to leave." he told her. "Probably for the better. ...Erm, feel free to come back anytime. Just make sure that...'angel' doesn't take you over again." she replied.

He left, while Maude gave the bored Frank and Remus the signal. "Are you sure you don't want to stay?" Ned asked quietly. "I'm sure. My friends will help with that." she replied as they went home. Meanwhile, the ghostly duo went through the kitchen wall. Marge, walking into the kitchen, stared at them and asked if they were there because of Homer.

"...Wait, you can...see us? Frank asked to her instead, confused. "Mhm-hm. Now, answer my questions, please. Preferably the one I asked first." Marge bluntly replied. He was about to answer, but Remus told her first. "Yessir," she said. "That's exactly the reason. Or, specifically, _**killing**_ him. It's...kinda our...revenge...pact." Marge, despite Remus' terrible, terrible working, understood what she meant.

Marge took a while to respond. "...Now, now, that friend of yours did enough damage for today. If I didn't notice Ned on time, then he probably would've succeeded." Frank and Remus just stared at each other, wondering if that was a compliment. "...Why can you see us?" Remus asked, being a follow-up to Frank's question. Marge hesitated, but then gave the duo a...vague answer. "...Have you ever seen a lady with rabbit ears?"

"...No?" Frank replied.

"Only in my dreams..." Remus also replied.

"I'll let you two determine what that means. Now, go back to your little club." Marge said. She walked up towards them. "And don't tell another soul, alright?" They nodded, and left back to the Rusty Mill. As Remus wrote ' **NEAR SUCCESSFUL** ' in her notebook, Frank pondered what Marge was referring to. Was she just lying to make them more weary of her, or was it the truth?


	9. Something Wicked This Way Rides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus rides a train.

Frank and Remus stayed in the Rusty Mill all night, thinking about their own separate ideas. Frank was thinking about what Marge said, and Remus was thinking about her own idea. They both nearly failed to notice Maude knocking on the door. After Remus got the door, she settled the duo down and began to talk. "So, I believe you two noticed that your plans...didn't work as you intended. she started.

"I found the problem, you're both too... _subtle._ " Maude and Frank looked at each other. Frank thought that Remus was a liar, but Maude thought her statement might have some truth to it. "So, I decided to **run him over with a TRAIN!** " she yelled. The two looked at her in shock and confusion. How would she even _do_ that?

"Hey, Maude. Your husband was close to Reverend Lovejoy. Didn't he have this cool train that he rided, right?" Remus asked.

"...Maybe? That does sound like something he'd have..." she replied. As least, Frank was confronted knowing both he and Maude knew the same things about this so-called train. Regardless, Remus raved about her plan. Knock out the Reverend, steal his train, and bump it into Homer was the main idea. It sounded very illogical and illegal to Frank, but then he remembered the fact he was in a club meant to kill a man.

"Maude! Check if Homer's alright, and that train is outside. My plan requires exactly that." she told her. As she flew the the Simpson's house, Remus turned to Frank. "Can you make chloroform?" she asked.

"...Chloroform? I thought you would've just punched him to near-death." he replied.

"I _might've_ , but we have a bit of history. Enough so I don't want to beat him up, but not enough that I could merely ask him for the train."

"Mhm-hm. And, since you asked...yes, I can."

"Great." she said. Maude flew back in as their conversation ended. "He's alright. He's about to leave for work." she reported. "...And I found that train you were rambling about. It's neat his house." Remus nodded, grabbed Frank's hand, and ran out of the Mill to steal his train. Maude followed them, just in case.

Meanwhile, the Reverend was peacefully driving his train. It was one of the few times he felt...happy. Too bad his day was going to be ruined by some angry ghosts. Remus and Frank were hiding nearby. Remus held a cloth in her hand as Frank dripped drops of chloroform. "He's approaching." Frank whispered.

As Timothy went by, Remus held the cloth to his mouth. "SORRY REVEREND LOVEJOY I NEED YOUR TRAIN AND I'M VERY BAD AT ASKING FOR THINGS AND I NEED THIS TRAIN OF YOURS TO KILL A MAN PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS-" Remus screamed at the passed-out man before losing her breath. As she breathed hard, Frank set Timothy on the ground nearby. He began to settle into the train, but Remus pushed him out and went in herself. "I'm legged, and you're not." she told him.

"Can't I, at least, check in on you?"

"...Yeah, sure." Frank summoned two earpieces, and gave one to her. As they set the pieces in their ears, she told him to go to Maude. "It's safer that way!" she reasoned. As he moved back to the angel, Remus began to move towards Homer. And, if you could believe it, she was good.

 _Suspiciously_ good.


	10. Something Wicked This Way Rides Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus is bad at driving trains, and also everything else.

Meanwhile, Homer was peacefully walking to work. Although he still felt a little sick, most of the symptoms left and he's able to go to work. Not to mention, he has no idea Remus is going to (try to) hit him with a train. He's walling slowly to ease his nausea. Assuming nothing leads Remus into absolutely failing her mission, this should work well.

Frank, using the earpiece, lead her though town and into Homer. Everything has been going well so far. Frank did find Remus' great driving skills strange, though. It's definitely not how a walleyed person would drive. He should tell her.

"Remus..." he said, through the earpiece.

"What is it?" she replied.

"...Aren't you walleyed?"

Remus remembered. Her body began to shake. "...I..." she stammered. She felt foolish as her vision began to blur. She realized that Frank was right. As the train began to get out of control, she screamed...

" **I'M BLIND AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO _DRIIIIVVVVEEEE!_** "

Remus panicked. Due to her horrible driving skills and panic attack, the train went wild. Everyone ran to get out of it's way, and both Remus and the train crashed into a wall. Her visible heart nearly fell out of her body, most of her organs has small tears in them, and her blood stained both the train and herself.

Frank went up to her first. "Looks like the well walleyed driver couldn't drive." he said. Remus stammered for a bit, but them agured after she got back her senses. "Why would you ask that in the first place? Couldn't you wait until I was done?" "Why didn't you let me drive in the first place?" he asked in response. They went back and forth before Maude came back, with the reverend.

"Both of you, stop fighting." she said, pulling Remus out of the car and setting Timothy inside. "We should go back before people start getting suspicious..." The duo silently agreed. Going back to the Mill, Remus wrote in the notebook again. The status for the mission was considered to be, in her own words, ' **FRANK IS A B!!CH** '. Thankfully, Frank didn't take notice. As they leave, she gave them the usual words, come back and have snacks.


	11. Closing Doors - Frank and Maude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homer is stuck in his own house, how disappointing.

Remus wiped the doors down on the Rusty Mill. Given what happened today, she would be surprised if Frank showed up at all. At least Maude still has some respect for her left. Maude appeared early today. "Frank has an idea...which you won't be apart of." she reported.

"I know." Remus responded. "I'll do something to pass the time." She opened the door to let Maude in. Seeing Frank in the distance, she went home. "Take care, and once you're done...contact me." she noted. Frank and Maude went to the basement.

"...So, what's your plan?" Maude asked. "...We close Homer in his own house." he replied. He went over his plan to kill Homer. As they gathered what they need, Frank asked Maude how she got Remus to leave so easily. "...She takes my words well." she simply said.

Meanwhile, Remus was in her own basement, setting up a way to...wait, what does she want to do? She thought about yesterday, and she decided to contact the Lovejoys. Speaking of the Lovejoys, they were walking back home after a Town Hall meeting. Everyone decided to pretend that Timothy panicked and crashed himself into a wall instead of being knocked out and having his train stolen by some vengeful ghost. The ones who couldn't see ghosts went with it out of confusion and the ones who could went with it to keep up the masquerade.

While Remus was doing her off-brand astral projection, Frank and Maude were going to the Simpson's house. Maude hid in the bushes while Frank was trying to convince Marge and her family (excluding Homer) to leave the house early. Some violent threats later, Marge -and her children- left the house. Maude nailed boards to the door once he gave her the sign. They both went back into hiding as Homer woke up.

"...Marge...where are you..?" he mumbled, getting out of bed. He got dressed for work and started to leave the house...then realized the doors were stuck. "D'oh..." he whispered, and the duo realized it was time to continue their plan. Frank went inside to shut off the lights. Homer, realizing what's happening might be supernatural, started to go to hid basement.

Frank grabbed him by the collar. He remembered that Maude couldn't go through walls like he could, and went to open a window. While she got inside, Homer managed to get a piece of ghost-sensing gear. As the spirit and angel faced him, he put on the device and saw a vengeful man with a ghost tail in front of him, along with...Maude Flanders. Who, of course, was _also_ vengeful.

"You have nowhere to run...and _nowhere to hide_." Frank said. As the walked Homer into a corner, he started to fear. Frank was near-intangible and Maude was powerful. But he couldn't let his work be finished by some fools looking for revenge. So he fought...and failed, hard.

He could barely feel his own pulse. And the duo couldn't feel his pulse either. They took it as a sign he was dead. Maude decided to call Remus to tell her the good news. After a while, she answered shortly and hanged up. Summoning her notebook, she wrote the status as ' **SUCCESSFUL** ', closed it, and smiled.


	12. Closing Doors - Remus and the Lovejoys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus decides to give the Lovejoys an apology.

Remus had a circle and pentagram made of "divine paint" (paint diluted with holy water) with five candles in five colors that are burning up. A picture of Helen and Timothy Lovejoy was in the middle. Kneeling down, she put her hands on the picture. She began to say a spell that would bring her to them. Afterwards, she felt herself be covered by a glowing light. This might just work.

During that, Remus appeared in the Lovejoy's living room, hiding from the duo themselves. "...Erm...Hello, guys..." she said, slightly showing herself. Helen barely took notice, but Timothy looked at her. "...You took my-" he said, before she interrupted him. "I know, and I'm sorry. My friend, Grimey, hates me too. I came here to say I'm sorry."

It took a while before the Reverend realized who she was talking about. " _Grimey?!_ Frank 'Grimey' Grimes? You know him?" he asked, confused. "Yeah. Had a stand with him when we where alive, and found him dead years later, when I died." she casually replied. Helen pondered whenever or not she should tell this to her friends while Timothy pondered about her answer. Finally, he asked Remus if she knew about anyone else.

"...A guardian angel. Her name is Maude." she replied. Helen spoke up. "Who is she guarding?" she asked.

"Ned Flanders. Fitting, since they're sweethearts. Anyways, speaking of Maude, she's in a club. And Timothy, listen up. This has information that'd be useful to you." Remus responded. She sat in in-between them and told her tale.

"Maude, Grimey, and I are in the Kill Homer Club. One day, I had the idea to run Homer over, and thought that your train would suffice. Turns out, it's **not** , and I'm bad at driving. Sorry for ruining your cool train."

The two were a bit dazed by her answer, and had a few unanswered questions. Questions like how they got the idea, who started the club, or why they were doing this. Not that they would get those answers today, Remus started to get a headache. A headache that sounds like...the phone. She eventually got the idea, and summoned a flip phone to talk.

It was news that Homer was dead! After de-summoning the phone and bring up her notebook, she wrote the status ' **SUCCESSFUL** ' and smiled. "See you two later, Lovejoys!" she happily said, then said a spell to bring her back. Remus was back home, and cleaned up her set. Meanwhile, Helen and Timothy began to talk to each other, both more and less confused then they were before.


	13. A Day of Rest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Homer has died (not really)...what does this club do?

Remus was cleaning up the Rusty Mill once again. 'It's the middle of the week, Wednesday...and it's the happiest Wednesday of my life.' she thought. Homer Simpson is (debatablely) dead! The rest of the club wouldn't need to go today. Remus decides it was self-explanatory and didn't call anyone about it.

'...I wonder what everyone else is doing.' she thought. Thankfully, this is written in third-person omnipotent, so we can do that! While Remus was taking it easy, Frank was at work...talking with his friend, Herb Powell. He had many things in common, having to work hard in their life, being business workers...and being driven to suicide by _Homer Simpson_. They met, alive, a few years ago and kept in touch ever since.

Meanwhile, there's Maude and her client/lover, Ned. They've been binded together for nearly two decades. But what are they doing right now, however? They're resting in peace. A peace they found after all these years.

...Wait, what about Homer? Well, as you may know, he isn't _actually_ dead. He is, however, in a hospital. He laid in bed, wondering if he should pretend to be dead to ward off vengeful souls, or tell the club that he'll be back. Eventually, he decided. "...Marge..." he whispered to Marge, who was visiting that day.

"What is it, Homie?"

"Tell...that club...I will be back..."

"Alright." Marge replied. She left the room and took out her phone, calling the group one by one. First, she called Remus, who answered on her ghost-phone. She began to panic, knowing he- _their_ nemesis was still out there. Then, she called Frank, who also answered on his ghost-phone. Lastly, there was a call for Maude, which was more personal then her other calls.

The trio feared, for different reasons. Remus worried since Homer would be coming for them, and he would be _fighting back_. Frank worried that his nemesis didn't die from their last encounter. And Maude worried that her relationship with Homer and Marge (mostly Marge) may never recover. How would they be able to fight their fears?


	14. Ghostly Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and her buddies decide to visit a friend.

Remus was at the Rusty Mill today, as always. Since there's really not much to do about Homer right now, she decided to show a good friend of hers to them. Frank showed up first, having calmed down after yesterday. Remus was holding a folded paper note in her hand, meant for her friend. She just needed to wait for Maude.

And, soon enough, she arrived. "Glad to see you two," Remus began, opening the door. "Go inside." As everyone settled, she continued. "I have an old friend of mine. Their name is Roman King. They helped me with many a thing, and I just want to ask them for one more favor." she said. She gave Maude the note.

"Give this to Roman, alright? I gave them some ghost-sensing gear a few years ago, and it'll help them now." Remus requested.

"Fair enough, if you lead me to her."

"I will. Frank has to go too." Remus said. "Wait, why do I-" he began to say, before she grabbed his hand and ran out the door, along with Maude. She lead Maude to the King's house from memory. Remus and Frank hid in the bushes as Maude rung the doorbell. Roman opened the door, and said "...Erm, hello?"

"Remus wanted to give this to you." she said, giving the note to Roman. The letter said "Hey, Roman! Get that ghost-sensing gear I gave to you! It's for a surprise!". While they went to the basement to get their gear, Maude closed the door and called Remus up to the porch. "Roman, is that the technology your friend has been raving about?" Virgil, their husband asked.

"Yep. It's a...surprise, she said."

"I wonder what she means."

"Hopefully something good..." they said, opening the door again. And, upon doing it, saw the ghost of their best friend...and Frank Grimes. They gasped, shuffling backwards a bit. "...Erm...Surprise?" she quietly said, attempting to salvage the moment. "...You're...you're dead..." Roman muttered.

"...Yeah. I was run over by _Homer_...'s junky Sedan. I...don't actually know if he ran me over or not." she admitted. Virgil looked at her and said "Looks like that friend of yours came back wrong."

"I _did **not!**_ I am a _**ghost!**_ ...Anyways, I made a club."

"...What is that club, exactly?" Roman asked.

Remus signaled Frank and Maude to come in. "The Kill Homer Club!" she said. "...It's pretty self-explanatory."

"I could tell." Virgil noted.

"...So...you're about of a club to...kill someone?" they asked. They all nodded in response. Roman took a while to take in this information. So, to recap, their friend died a few days ago, then made a club with two people they don't know about with the plan to kill someone. Despite this, Remus still had something to ask her.

"Will you join us?" she asked. Understandably, this took some more time to think things through. On one hand, they'd be getting revenge for Remus and her friends...but on the _other_ hand, it's attempted murder. Which is illegal. "...No." they told her. "I...don't think I'm ready for that sort of thing..."

Roman waited for her response. "...Alright." she said. "You can always ask us later. We're at the Rusty Mill if you're interested." As they flew off, Roman decided to go somewhere. Not the Mill, but somewhere else that was meaningful to Remus. They told Virgil that they'd be back soon as they left with 10 dollars.

Driving up to the She-She Lounge, they went inside to order a drink in Remus' honor. Thankfully, the place wasn't busy, with only Kelly the bartender and a few reoccurring patrons there tonight. "Roman?" she asked. "I don't usually see you here. And where's Remus?" "Remus is...she's...she's dead..." they responded. "I want to order her favorite drink, something to remember her by."

Kelly knew what she meant by that, and made a cherry margarita with whipped cream and strawberry slices on top. "It's on the house, if you'd like." she said, giving Roman their drink. "Alright." As they sipped, they remembered all the times they had with her. In the end, all they wanted was closure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roman, Virgil, and Thomas are Simpson OCs created by a close friend of mine. I got, and have, their permission to use these characters in my fanfiction.


	15. Is This Your Son?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank remembers that his son exists and decides to introduce him to the club. Also, Remus tells a nightmarish story.

To absolutely noone's surprise, Remus was cleaning the Mill once again. The failure of not being able to tri- erm, convince Roman into joining her club still stuck with her, but at least she wasn't hiding it now. And opposite of her was...Frank Grimes, with a new plan on his mind. It looked like some sort of opposite day over at the Mill. Remus, seeing Maude in the distance, opened the door and went inside.

"You know, Remus, maybe your plan about new members wasn't all _that_ bad." Frank began. "In fact, I have something wonderful to show _you!_ "

"...And that'd be...?"

"...My son, Frank Grimes Jr."

"...Son? That reminds me of a story!" Remus suddenly stated. The two were confused, but they let her carry on.

"So, it was...say, the 90s or something. I can't really remember. I was at a friend's party, and I met this guy. He was handsome. He had a black-hair mullet, simple but formal clothing, and glasses that matched his green eyes. We hit off well. ...However, neither of us were immune to lust. We...we..."

"...Can you stop talking, please?" Maude asked. Frank sliently gave Maude his thanks, since he was disturbed about it as much as Maude was. "...Alright. Can I tell more later?" Remus asked. Both of them shook their head. "...Well, Frank, any more information about your son?"

"Well, he's a mechanic...but that's all I remember."

'...Well, that doesn't sound like a good father...' she thought. Frank gathered up the duo and searched the city for Juinor. After a few hours or so, Frank found his son working on a broken car. He told the angel and ghost duo to stay away as he went up to Junior. Tapping his shoulder, he waited for him to notice.

Eventually, he turned around. "...Father...? But aren't you-" he said, before Frank cut him off. "I know. I **am** dead, but to my surprise, I came back." Juinor took a while to process his father's words. Along with that, he could hear someone argue in the background. Just who were they arguing to?

"I suppose you have any ghost-sensing gear?" Frank asked.

"Yeah. Just let me get them real quick." As he shuffled though the stuff in his shed, Remus sneaked nearby Frank. Juinor, putting on the goggles, noticed her and asked what she was doing. "...Uhm...To tell Frank that story I was telling him some time ago!" she said. Frank shuttered, realizing he'd have to hear the rest of her story.

"And it's about...?"

"...My pregnancy?" she said, slightly confused. "Anyways, we...did. A month or so later, I got the news, I was pregnant. Both me and my partner were panicking. Since there's really not much to say about that, I'll tell you two about the birth."

"And how was _that_?" Frank asked.

"Painful. I had birth complications, mainly due to my age and my body. I tried to keep him as long as I could, but the lack of money we had led me to abandoning him. The only things he had was a the address to his father's house, a picture of me, and the clothes on his back."

Juinor was...oddly reminded of his own childhood. Could it be that Remus was his mother? Both him and Frank hoped not. "Now _that's_ out of the way, join our club!" she told him. The mood whiplash was...grating, to say the least. "What's this club about?" he asked.

"...Revenge on Homer Simpson? Your father's in our club! ...Okay, mainly because your father unwittingly bonded himself to my club with a magic notebook, but that's besides the point." Remus said. Frank looked in her direction when she said "unwittingly bonded himself to my club". "Interesting." was all he said. She shook his hand and told him to go to the Rusty Mill in a few days. 'Frank, I'll count my blessings.' she thought. As they left, Frank noticed Maude had left the area. 'She probably left to help Ned.' he thought as he went back home.


	16. Come Over for Dinner!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Flanders invite Homer to a dinner date.

The sun was shining, and so was the light in the Rusty Mill. Remus was swiping her towel back and forth when Frank went inside. "What are we going to do today?" he asked. "That's for Maude to decide, Frank. Sit at the table." she replied, still cleaning. Maude came flying back to the Mill to give the 'good' news.

"Homer Simpson is still alive, and he's home now." she reported. Frank grimaced, while Remus slumped in her chair. "So...what's your plan?" she asked.

"We invite Homer to our house. We'll say it's...a dinner date. Nothing suspicious."

"And we...?"

"You two make a poison cake for him." she said. Then, looking at Remus, she said, " _Only_ Homer." She relaxed again. "Anyways, just notify us when you're done." Frank and Remus could manage that. She flew back to the Flanders' house as they wondered how to make the cake.

' _Neddy, I'm home. I have an idea!_ ' she thought to him, and heard him open the door. "What is it, Maude?" he asked. Going inside, she said "A little dinner date for Homer. As an apology of sorts." He agreed with her idea and went to the kitchen to cook some food for their meeting. 'All according to plan...' she thought, going to her next-door neighbors, the Simpsons.

Knocking on their door, she told Homer about the dinner date. "...A dinner date, you say?" Marge soon said, walking into frame. "...If it isn't the little angel herself."

"...Urm...Marge! N-Nice to see you! We've invited Homer to a dinner date, as an apology."

"An apology? Well, in that case, I suppose I should join too, just to make sure nothing bad happens."

"...Erm, sure. I'll notify Ned about that. See you two soon." Maude said, walking back. ' _Neddy, Marge decided to join us. Do you have room for one more?_ ' she asked. ' _Of course! Thankfully, I have just enough food for everyone!_ ' he replied. She laid down on the couch, along with Rod and Todd. It'll be a while before their date (of death?) begin.

Later, Homer and Marge show up. And they were wearing fancy suits at that. "Hello, Maude! Hello... _Ned_." Homer greeted. "Hi-diddly ho, guests!" Ned greeted back. "Come over here and sit down!" The duo sit down with the Flanders and begin to eat.

"Wait. ...If you're here, who's taking care of your children?" Maude asked. "My father, Abraham!" Homer responded. They talk about their parents, with their discussion eventually including the other guests. Maude's plan was going well so far. All she needed to do now was get the cake designed to poison him, again.


	17. Come Over for Dinner! Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homer gets an apology cake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter goes from "man eats spiked cake" to "man commits murder while drunk" REAL QUICK. Read this at your own viewer discretion advised.

Soon enough, the doorbell rang. That must be the poison cake! Maude opened the door and took the cake box from Frank's hands. As he shut the door, she went back into the dining room and set the cake in his hands. "It's for you... _sweetheart_." she said. "Enjoy." He nodded and opened the box.

It was a small red velvet cake with chocolate (and Nutmeg infused, unbeknownst to Homer) frosting. He thought it looked delicious, and took a bite. "Hm...a bit _off_..." he said, looking at Maude. "...but it's alright!" He then proceeded to eat the rest of his cake, without any other utensils then his hands. "What a cake that was!" he looked at Maude again, starting to look less genuine. "You're a friend to me."

They all chattered until 9:00 P.M., then Homer and Marge left to go back home. ...Well, Marge went home. Homer went to Moe's to get a drink or two. It was a busy night, and Homer would fit right in. Meanwhile, Roman was in the back, drinking some wine.

"Hey there, Homer. What will it be today?" Moe asked. "The usual, Moe." he responded. As Moe prepared his drink, he listened to the chatter in the background. Barflies, new people, and everyone in-between seemed to be here today. He instinctively grabbed the drink Moe held out to him.

While Homer was guzzling down beer, Roman was talking to another best friend of their's. They were talking to relax tonight. They were only slightly drunk compared to Homer the drunkard. Eventually, he stopped drinking and started wandering the tavern. And, of course, he started to notice Roman. "...You...You're her... _friend..._ " he muttered.

Roman soon noticed him back. "Remus, I believe?"

He stumbled towards them. "Yes...She...and her friends tried to **_kill me!!_** " he said, beginning to yell.

"How about we settle this in a fight?"

" _Fine._ " He ran towards Roman and punched them in their face multiple times, giving them a black eye. Attempting to see, they kicked him in the groin and tried to pin his arm back. They failed, and Homer used his free arm to chop Roman in the side. They panicked, broke a wine glass, and shook it in his direction. "Cease!" they screamed.

He stood back. Their plan seemed to be working, until he smashed his own bottle and attempted to slam it into their head. However, their friend pushed them out of the way, and got slammed instead. She was dazed, bleeding, and attempted to walk away from the scene. Roman tried to help her, but then got stuck in a chokehold, done by 'yours truely'.

He strangled them until he heard the shotgun ring. Homer ran off as Roman - and their ghost- stood still. Their friend weeped as they noticed Roman was dead. Meanwhile, Homer attempted to drive home drunk. By sheer luck, he didn't crash, but his car was covered in as much dents as he was. He had just done a horrible, **horrible** thing.


End file.
